glow

there's a letter by my bed
sitting in it's envelope beckoning.
i can't remember the last time i got mail,
from one's hand to another.
I slid the long length smoothly out
and read it once, twice, thrice
the words arranged neat in lines.
refolding with care and happy thoughts
i gently slide it back to it's white confines
and set it reluctantly back by my bed.

I think letters are the most personal of all communications. Phonecalls are grand with the added touch of vocal connection but letters, letters you can keep and reread for ages to come and still remember the warmth and emotions. Letters are like a touch from person to person. A connection knowing it has passed from their hands to yours.

I used to write more letters, to my mom, to penpals, to friends abroad but over the years, laziness took over. A shame really. But recently, I've been writing more. And come on, most out there are curious to see what my handwriting looks like *grin*

I heart trees

"The last days of this glacial winter are not yet past, so young is our world. I used to envy the father of our race, dwelling as he did... with the new-made fields and plants of Eden; but I do so no more, because I have discovered that I also live in "creation's dawn." The morning stars still sing together, and the world, not yet half made, becomes more beautiful everyday."

A few weeks ago, I was at the dentist and started reading a National Geographic mag and this article on the Sierra Trail. The above is said by John Muir who was a conservationist and naturalist who explored the Sierra region extensively, and is also the founder of the Sierra Club. The quote was so poignant I scrambled for a pen and paper to copy it down.

This summer, I've been out and about breathing in the fresh air, going tree hugging and there are moments where I stop involuntarily, reflexively to look at the beauty around me. There's something lyrical, a tangible magic that is only felt when one is immersed in nature. I read this book on the Monarch Butterfly last year and in the opening chapter the author was visiting a roosting site in Mexico. She sat in the forest, lost in time, with butterflies everywhere and the only description that came to mind was that she was on Holy grounds. That's my sentiment everytime I catch a sunrise, when the dark night veil is thrown back to reveal a sanguinity that seems so vital, it practically pulses. (It still makes me laugh at the irony that _I_, the notorious night person organized wake up calls at 5am in Belize just to watch the day start. Imagine all the cursing thrown at me when the day began with cloudy skies, heh). Or at night by the ocean and all is dark except for the round orb of the moon casting its phosphorescent light, like a shadow over the water. My favourite is still bush whacking in old growth forests and stumbling into areas where the canopy lets in a few rays of sunshine giving off this fantastical illumination. A fairyland.

There has always been conflict between science and religion. Some even regard science as the purest religion. But when one is surrounded by the natural world and witness the intricacies, the complex interdependencies that have evolved, one cannot help but be awed and admit perhaps there _is_ a higher power at work. I know I adulate excessively about nature and stuff a lot to those around me, a neverending rhapsody, I push for people to experience it with me and I'm always looking for a treehugger soulmate of sorts. I want others to feel the romance in the great outdoors and commune with it. Too often in my studies at school, we learn about the detrimental effects humans have due to either ignorance or apathy and it can leave one with built up internal frustration at the futility. But then knowledge and experience will hopefully lead to conservation and a lifelong love.

At the beginning of the 20th century, Muir took Roosevelt on a camping trip to Yosmite and they talked late into the night by campfire. The magnificence and purity of their surroundings had an significant impact on the American president that he started conservation programs and established the first national monuments and parks through congress.

as the world turns

In TO I watched "Shall We Dance" with Jen. In it Susan Sarandon's character expresses this thought about marriages and just love in general.

"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness"

We all need witnesses in our lives, to make us feel that what we're doing is worthwhile and has an impact even if it is only noticed by one alone. It gives meaning to what you do even if it's something small and seemingly insignificant. Life is a lonely journey by oneself. We're not meant to be alone, to live our lives unnoticed. I want a witness in my life. Someone to look eye to eye with and yet with our eyes forward in search of the same truth. I want to know that no matter what, there is someone in my life that I can depend wholly on.

I don't think it's a matter of feeling lonely being a singleton. It's more than that. It's this want, this need to share everything I see and experience and know that they want to know everything I see and experience.

We are born helpless. As soon as we are fully conscious we discover loneliness. We need others physically, emotionally, intellectually; we need them if we are to know anything, even ourselves.
~C.S. Lewis, "The Four Loves"

Why is it that we need companionship? Life would be simplier if we can all propogate asexually, putting away the frustrations of finding a suitable mate with which to exchange DNA. Not just speaking in the eros of relationship terms but in terms of friendships, life would be so much easier if we can be self sufficient and not feel pangs of loneliness ever. I want to live in an ivory tower on a mountain surrounded by huge trees. I'd look out my window and see in the distance the glistening ocean.