Its a bird, its a plane, its...

Is it a boy or girl? That is the first question everyone asks a pregnant woman. Well, it is a scientist, a mathlete, an artist, a bookworm, a doctor, a vet, an explorer… the possibilities are endless. It will have its parents’ wanderlust spirit and go on journeys of epic proportions. It will play with dolls, toy trucks and microscopes. It will wear onesies that have pink cupcakes on it or says “What a Hunk!” It will be brought up knowing nothing can hold it back no matter what others say. It will not just be a pretty baby, but a pretty intelligent, pretty adventurous, pretty brave one. Though it be little, it be fierce.

Why didn't anyone tell me?

Some women glow and have luscious hair. Or maybe that pregnancy glow is all a myth. There are things no one tells you about pregnancy:

1. Skin tags - I heard about stretch marks but skin tags?
2. Darkening of skin - Especially around my armpits, bellybutton and other... areas.
3. Insomnia - It's like orientation to what life will be like after baby comes and I'm failing miserably.
4. The farts, oh the farts - I'm a walking stink bomb.
5. The bloat - So bloated that people thought I was 8 months in my first trimester and I had to take my wedding ring off and now there's a permanent indentation on my finger.
6. Vaginal discharge - Let's leave it at that.
7. Groin cramps - They hit you when you least expect it.
8. B.O - Combined with heightened olfactory senses, I can't stand myself sometimes.
9. Pregnancy rhinitis - Allergy symptoms but it's not allergies. Endless sneezing nd no relief to be had.
10. Numb legs - Followed by pins and needles. I can't sit for more than 5 minutes and then my legs go numb.

Now for the wait into labour and finding out what no one ever tells you about giving birth and the aftermath...

Growing together

And just when I thought I couldn't love my husband even more... 

Me: If we have a girl, and she wanted to dress up as Hans Solo, would you be her Princess Leia? 

Him: Of course. 

Resurrecting old thoughts

It's been several years since I updated this blog. Reading back on old entries is familiar and strange at the same time. There have been changes abound and more to come of which uncertainty hangs like a ominous cloud. Hope is fragile and the wishing is almost unbearable at times. Perhaps I will revisit again in several years and the changes hence will render the present insignificant.

knocking on wood

The past year has been a blur. Life has been beyond the realms of happiness and at times I'm scared to record my life in writing in the fear that it will disappear leaving me lost and bewildered. I've jotted down little notes here and there on my computer but mostly I want to wrap my feelings of bliss around me like a blanket, keeping it in. It's weird how when we're lonely and bitter and sad we share all in long angst ridden posts hoping to elicit sympathy but when life seems too good to be true, I feel as if I'm living in a soap bubble that will pop with the slightest touch.

Love in a shoebox

I haven't blogged much because I'm still enveloped in a hazy bubble of love. Almost 6 months have passed and I'm still floating on a cloud, scared that if I dwell too long on it, trying to capture my bliss in physical words, it would all dissipate. I don't want to jinx my happiness.

Life is good these days. Travel, taking time for myself, planning, and of course, love.

I'm moving to a new flat in a month or so and taking this opportunity to organize and throw stuff away with the idea that I'll eventually be leaving this city for new horizons. It's amazing how much one accumulates. I came to Hong Kong with 2 suitcases about 5 years ago and now, it'll take about 2 moving trucks for all my things. Ideally, I want to pare down my possessions by half.

While clearing out some shelves, I found my ragged shoebox of old love letters. I've written many posts previously about the fuzzy warmth of first love and how hard it is to let go but I thought maybe it is time now to shed this weight, figuratively and literally.

Reading old love letters is strangely sweet. You're reminded of your less-burdened/jaded/cynical younger self, and despite how terribly the relationship ended, you're reminded of why you loved that person once upon a time and how once upon a time, someone loved you enough to write you a love letter. Reading old love letters is also strangely intrusive. Seeing his handwriting, his terms of endearments for me, and the feelings that aren't for me anymore... it's as if I'm peeking into a life that isn't mine and was never mine really.

Why do people hang onto old love letters?

What I have learned in my twenties

A reminder to myself in the last year of my twenties.

1. Life really can be full of surprises, from the physical beauty around us to the surprising kindheartedness of people.

2. We can always hurt someone, often more than we realise.

3. Not everyone is like me, what I deem correct and true is not necessary the same for others.

4. People often mistake my passion for being stressful and intense.

5. It is always easier being honest, once I have been lied to by someone, regardless how small and seemingly harmless their lie has been – my feelings towards them change forever.

6. Fear is common in every human being and is often mistaken for selfishness or arrogance.

7. Reading results in a massive subconscious accumulation of knowledge never fully realised but continuously appreciated in the strangest moments. Reading also allows for a much needed rest from reality and refreshes the imagination with possibility.

8. Appearance is important. As much as I wish it weren’t true, how you present yourself is how you are judged, people are fast and lazy thinkers. The trick is to reflect your personality into your presentation and not appear superficial.

9. There are people who say many things and do nothing. I quickly lose faith in those people.

10. It is far more important to listen than to talk, as long as the other person has the same respect – because sometimes I need to be heard.

11. I love being on my own, but it is far from the happiness I experience being surrounded by people who sincerely love me. There is also no greater loneliness than spending time with someone who regards your company as insignificant.

12. You learn to love someone when you forgive all their faults.

13. There is nothing unusual about wanting a fairytale. There are those who have found theirs on this mortal earth and I want mine.

14. Hangovers will always ruin your day – unless you are happily in love and get to spend the day in bed with your lover who also likes bad TV.

15.Turning thirty is not going to be the end of my world!

Happy Birthday to me.

List taken from Dance Floor Tragedy.